Outdoorsman love to join clubs. They must because there seems to be a club for everything these days. Trout lovers have Trout Unlimited, northern aficionados have Northern Pike Association, duck hunters have Ducks Unlimited, the list goes on and on.

Many clubs name their organization after a specific specie of fish or mammal. A good example is Muskies, Inc. This is a great help when an individual is a member of several clubs. That way he or she knows what hat, shirt, and patches to wear to each meeting. Pity the poor person who wears his United Spearers of America to the Northern Pike Association meeting.

And if the club really has it together, each letter from the club’s name stands for words in an even longer name. For example, the well known BASS club stands for Bass Anglers Sportsman’s Society.

There are many clubs most people aren’t even aware of today. Many groups have small followings and tend to remain incognito. For example, there is CARP, or Citizens Against Resisting Pollution. Even though this club is small it is powerful. It’s members are made up a select group of wealthy industrialists who believe in money first, everything else second. It is hard to pick out these club members because they are not visible, almost as if they aren’t proud of what they do.

A large group is SLOB, Self Loving Outdoor Bums.  This club is dedicated to the belief that “this is a free country and I can do anything I want.”  The woods or body of water are for getting away from it all, including human decency. They are experts at littering, getting intoxicated while hunting and/or fishing and being overall pains in the neck to everyone else. Like many clubs, they give out awards each year. “The Golden Beer Can” goes to the one who can drink the most and still load his gun or bait the hook. The “Rambo Award” goes to the guy who can blast the most signs and/or buildings with the least amount of shells. And finally, “The Spirit Trophy” goes to the one who actually sees a deer while not in a vehicle.

And how about those members of SELF, standing for Shysters Elevating License Fees. This club is almost exclusively made up of politicians. They are dedicated to getting everything they can from hunters and fishermen.  They can easily raise license costs because these people love their sports so much they will continue to buy licenses at just about any cost, unlike the general public that fights paying their taxes.  The the money they raise goes toward a multitude of things, all related to the outdoors.

On the other hand we have HELP, or Hunters Exasperated about License Prices. This club has perhaps the biggest following of all clubs, but they are essentially powerless and frustrated.

Yes, there are many clubs to choose from, and most dedicated to great causes. Even though most of the ones I mention are fictional, they do exist in a way. Let’s support the good ones and put a stop to the others!

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